We All Wish We Could Be Diogenes
Greece’s crazy philosopher who always kept it a buck, even with Alexander the Great
Your soon to be favorite philosopher, Diogenes, was born in Sinope in the 4th century BC. He didn’t stay there long, soon being exiled from the city for a crime his father committed. He then moved to Athens where he undertook an extensive education and quickly made a name for himself among his peers as crazy. Diogenes insisted that “It is not that I am mad, it is only my head is different from yours”—an early display of his unconventional way of thinking.
Diogenes held the strong belief that men should lead shameless and judgmental lives, he led by example, resulting in some pretty unique stories…
“Of what use is a philosopher who doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings?”
- Diogenes
Once, when a man called him a dog, Diogenes peed on the man’s leg. The man was infuriated and after publicly berating Diogenes for a great period of time, Diogenes merely responded “If I am a dog, why are you surprised?”
When Diogenes got word that Plato defined humans as the only featherless biped, he plucked every last feather from a chicken, and burst into Plato’s classroom proclaiming “Behold, a man!”
“What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.”
- Diogenes
After a series of unfortunate events, Diogenes found himself being sold into slavery. The slave auctioneer asked him what job he would be good for. Diogenes, simply replied “Being a master.” Regrettably, his wish was not granted.
But slavery could not contain Diogenes for long, he was soon back home in Athens. Upon his return, he saw the daughter of a promiscuous mother angrily throwing stones into a crowd of men. He quickly warned her “Watch out, you may hit your father.” Dude would have been lethal in a modern high school.
“I am looking for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave.”
- Diogenes speaking to Alexander the Great at a cemetery
Lastly, and certainly most epically: When Alexander the Great visited Corinth in 336 BC, the city where Diogenes (who was at this point 76) now lived, he asked to meet the legendary Diogenes. Alexander approached Diogenes while he was tanning, Alexander then asked if there was any wish he could grant for Greece’s most enlightened philosopher. Diogenes replied “Yes, get out of my sunlight” which is mildly rude to say to the ruler of the world. Alexander, rather than being offended, found it very funny and told his entourage “If I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes.” To which Diogenes responded “And if I were not already Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes.” Now that’s just crazy.
So yes, Meghan Trainer stole the idea for the song “If I was you I would wanna be me too” from Diogenes.