Mini: That One Time a Drunken Moose Fell Down the Stairs

One of history's greatest astronomers, who also had one of history's craziest pets.

Tycho Brahe was a legendary 16th century astronomer (no he’s not the moose), who made numerous scientific discoveries such as: being the first to observe a supernova, contributing greatly to the Lunar Theory, meticulously creating thousands of pages of notes regarding stars and their position, and much more. He also had a strange infatuation with gold prosthetic noses, clairvoyant dwarfs, and a beer-loving domesticated moose.

Firstly, while attending a party, Tycho Brahe found himself in a heated debate with another scholar over who could find the distance between stars better. They settled it in the only way imaginable at the time, a duel. During the duel, Brahe’s nose was blown off; instead of getting a wax replacement, per was the custom at the time, Brahe opted for a more chalant alternative and purchased one built of gold and silver alloy (so regrettably not real gold.) After the duel it is said that Brahe would always keep a little bit of glue with him, just in case he needed to perform an abrupt nose surgery, re-fastening his nose to his face.

Then, in an effort to increase his fortune (despite already owning 1% of Norway’s wealth), Tycho Brahe purchased an allegedly clairvoyant dwarf named Jepp; who was instructed to eat under the table while Tycho was eating above. That is unfortunately all the information we have regarding Jepp.

Finally, Tycho Brahe acquired his rather unusual pet through a friend, who also owned a domestic moose. Brahe was entranced by the creature and asked if his friend could find him a domestic moose too. Tycho was in luck, his friend was able to find a spare domestic moose and had it delivered to Brahe’s observatory.

Domestic moose were much like dogs. Tycho Brahe’s moose would follow him around just like any loving pet. Furthermore, the moose enjoyed indulging himself in the regrettable art of consuming Danish beer.

Soon, local nobles heard of Brahe’s perplexing pet and they started begging Tycho to let the moose join them at their castle ragers. Tycho accepted, happy to show off his extraordinary companion.

Woefully, the moose found himself remarkably inebriated during the party and decided to go on a walk by its lonesome self. Part of his journey included ascending the steep castle steps. Halfway up his trek, the befudled moose lost his balance and tumbled all the way down to the bottom.

Depiction of Tycho Brahe lamenting the passing of his outlandish pet (it’s AI art, I don’t really know what is happening in the photo either)

Despite having the best medical care, the moose succumbed to its injuries. Tycho was saddened by the news, but alas, life continues. He would later move to Prague, where he would make further advances in astronomy.

So, if you can’t decide between getting a cat or a dog, just get a moose — it’s only $1750!

Have a great day,

Gideon.